The Unanswered Questions
Okay, I left something out of yesterday’s entry. I said I put the phone down and said nothing. That’s only half true.
I sat on it for about ten minutes. Ten minutes of staring at the wall while she talked about something completely unrelated and I made appropriate noises at the right intervals. Then I snapped.
I confronted her. I picked it back up and shoved the Bin open and showed her the photo and said, well, I said a lot of things. It got loud. It got very loud. She started crying almost immediately, which, look, I’m not completely heartless, crying gets to me, but I’ve also started to understand that for some women tears are a precise instrument deployed at the exact moment the argument starts going badly for them. Which this one was.
She shouted too. At some point she was both crying and shouting, simultaneously, which is a genuinely impressive physiological feat. I was just shouting. No crying. Just a lot of “what the fuck” and “how” and “explain this” and “why is he unblocked” and “where did the chats go.”
That last part is what I kept coming back to. Not even the photo, fine, maybe he sent it without being asked, okay, I don’t believe that for one second but I’m willing to pretend. But if the chats are deleted and the call log is wiped and the photos are in the trash and the number was at some point blocked and then unblocked, I would like an explanation that is not just tears and silence.
I didn’t get one.
She kept repeating the same thing: she didn’t ask for it, he sent it himself, she didn’t know it was there. That sentence, in various configurations, about fifteen times. The how he got unblocked question she just didn’t answer. Didn’t even try. Just let it sit there between us unanswered like a dead thing.
She left eventually. Not in a dramatic storm-out way, just, she left. Said she was going home. We weren’t okay when she walked out the door.
It’s fucked up. It’s completely fucked up. And I’m sitting here again on the same bed wondering why the only thing I feel right now is tired.